the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize