Acid is not a monday night drug
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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