I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
