no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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