I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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