this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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