we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize