OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
