I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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