Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
