His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
