i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize