Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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