At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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