i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There are leaves in my underwear?
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