Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
