Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
