Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
