The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
