So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
