I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
