he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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