you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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