Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
