You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
