R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
