Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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