i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
