Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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