i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
