I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
