we're blogging at a bar
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
