3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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