Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
