You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
