Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize