someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
