We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
