I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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