i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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