I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
