the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
