Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
