Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
