So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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