Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
