I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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