I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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