I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
