Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
