see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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