this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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