That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
