and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize