apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he fucked my hip out of place.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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