You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I enjoy the company of your penis
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
