I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize