we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
