can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
