I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
