just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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