UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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