Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
