pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
