White coat. Heels.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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