She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
