Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
