We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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