dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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