fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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