i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
