Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
