What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
