guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When are your genitals available?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
