Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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