sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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