when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
