I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We have started to decorate penises.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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