just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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