I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
