Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
