my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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