with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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