It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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