you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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