Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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