Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
