well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize