i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
