I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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