Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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