why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There r osticjed everywhere
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
