I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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