This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
